At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
