the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
