ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
