Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
