I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
