12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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