I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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