I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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