Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
