I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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