I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had to cum in my sink.
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