Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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