Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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