"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
