Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
organizing the empties. That sober.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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