no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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