As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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