Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
