i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
