my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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