I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
