I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
