You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
