Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
