How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
