And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
