Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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