He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
