I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
