You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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