I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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