yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
