you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
