All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
