I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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