by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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