I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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