Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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