i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
