I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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