shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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