end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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