he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize