I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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