babies were throwing up all over the place
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
