Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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