also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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