no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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