I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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