Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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