Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
