they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
