took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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