Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found puke in my bra..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
