Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
