tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
