OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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