whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
