People in love make me want to vomit
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
