Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
