i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
