If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
