So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
