I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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