Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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