just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
