The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
