Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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