Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
