Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
