Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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