i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
