hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
