Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
