plz talk dirty to me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My penis needs a shock collar
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