Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
