remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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