Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Never joke about your clitoris.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
