thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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