I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
